Recently, I began wondering how on earth did I manage to tolerate with all these ridiculous-ness around me throughout the 2 years. Was I really that ignorant all these while or was it because my level of tolerance has achieved ZEN-ish level? Don't think so on the latter, since Jacklyn mentioned time and again that I have the patience of the Shinkansen and tempers of a spoiled kid.
An example would be allocation of hardware resources, can you believe that in a short span of 3 months, I have had my laptop changed and exchanged for a total of 7 times. Sometimes, its because some other person dislikes that model, prefers this model, insisted on this and that hence being the guy with not much saying power in the whole cycle, I had to give in my machine. As if all the repeated transfers and back-ups are not bad enough, most of the times, the laptops come with incomplete softwares that I even had to spend time doing installations, on top of my deadlines. Bullshit loh, why lah that time I so dumb just agree like that.
And the long working hours due to impossible deadlines, working night shifts, working during weekends and holidays, impossible teammates, sigh. I was really working so much that it comes to a point where other than meals and minimal sleeping hours, all else was work. But when I look my other colleagues, they just look, relaxed. Chatting, spending time in the pantry chatting again, long lunch hours, clocking in late, leaving sharp at 6 and at one point, I was asking myself, why am I earning shits while working my ass off, and they had it so much easier with higher pay? Perhaps their super-geniuses, the similar tasks are peanuts to them? That question is still left unanswered.
The worst, having to get things done, the absolute nightmare. You have to remind them again and again and again, 3 times a day, 7 times a week which by doing that, you would be lucky to have what you needed in one weeks time. Its really that bad. I learnt it the hardway, that the most efficient method is to do everything yourself, if capable of doing so. Sheesh. Just thinking about this make Jed angry.
Perhaps, I enjoy doing what I'm doing but not what I'm experiencing and going through, I would put it this way. I guess I have suddenly come to a point of realization where moving on the right although selfish step that has to be taken, I am still unsure what happened that actually triggered that ultimate decision. There's so much that can be said but yet, that is all that can be said. Just wish me luck. Yah, I also kinda felt that this post lacks a proper structure but I shall just leave things as it is.
