Monday Birus.

Kebiruan langit yang tidak dapat menandingi kebiruan yang terpendam dalam sanubariku

Awaken to a Monday morning feeling very tired and really depressed, perhaps the new working hours is finally taking its toll on me, I'm usually up even before the sun rises and heads home only when the sun sets. Seated facing the windows, I can only see the bright and sunny rays shine upon the world outside everyday, missing me out totally. And prior to this, the morning rays used to wake me while the evening sun accompanied me home, sigh. Also, window seatsa are not that good a thing actually, seeing cars passing by from the 8th floor every single minute makes me feel trapped and grounded. Makes me wish that I could just ignore everything, head out and drive to the unknown or perhaps Malacca for cendols with lots of Gula Melaka but then, not anymore with the recent hike, sigh.

Or perhaps I'm having a difficult time adapting to my new job, having blended too comfortably in the flexibility of the previous company and I'm talking about the KL branch of course. Not having spent more than 2 hours in the KLCC office, I was already on my way to the client site in Menara Dayabumi, talk about fast track and efficiency. New location, new working environment, new boss, new colleagues, new clients, new pace, new laptop equals work 24 hours daily, new makan place, truckloads of work and so on. Not that I'm having trouble blending in, everything's just not the same anymore, the agony of job switches.

The depression might also be due to a sudden realization that its already halfway past 2008 and looking at my resolutions list, most of them are bound to fail once again. This then brings up the question of why bother to actually do a resolution since you know you're somehow not determined enough to achieve them? Some say its good to have goals in life, as long as you're still alive, its still achievable. Others say at least you have something to fall back to when you're lost while the remaining does it because everybody's doing it. Me? Its similar to the first reasoning, to have some goals to achieve each year, a form of motivation to do something out of the usual routine in life I guess.

I just can't seem to find the exact reason behind this feeling of being depressed, no PMS jokes mind you and since there's no source, there'll be no solution for the time being. So, I guess it'll be here to stay until its gone wtf.