Tired.

Of work. In projects, its pretty common to have a period of time where everyone is required to work extra hard into late nights rushing for some impossible deadlines. Perhaps on the weekends as well. But when these periods are being prolonged for the longest time ever, one would definitely feel drained, of the enthusiasm and energy that once seemed bottomless, as though it has been squeezed till the last drop. And thats what's happening to me as of current time...

Things are slowly degrading from bad to worse, as if working late at the client site is not enough, still need to head back to office at late night for some Knowledge Transfer session. Yah, I know I should be grateful for the knowledge but then at times (all the time actually), its just too freaking tiring, I can feel my mental strength crumbling into pieces after 14-15 hours of torture a day. Hence, my dinner time has been forcefully delayed to around 10pm directly causing me to lead an upmost unhealthy lifestyle of late lunch and late dinner. Confirm will die faster.

A miracle did happen today, my Ah Tau actually belanja-ed us some chicken puffs. What's so magical you might ask. Let me tell you, for the longest time ever that I've been working under him, there was never once that he treated us to anything even when we head out for makan together. NEVER! Even myself, as stingy as I can be, have treated my junior programmers a simple lunch or Starbucks whenever possible, a small form of encouragement. And in my previous employment, other than my PM, my senior also got treat me makan before leh. Sigh. Now, you tell me, its a miracle right? Or perhaps he felt sorry for us because the client's Head provided dinner (actual food) for those who OT-ed for some data entry tasks today.

That's work but lately, it has really got me wondering, why am I actually devoting so much of my life to work. Is it the heavy sense of responsibility? Or am I craving for more knowledge? Or am I trying to achieve material gains? Or maybe its because I cannot see a direction in my career that I'm just pouring all I possibly could? I think I need help.

If my parents see this, they're bound to say, something like so young already felt tired with work, how to go through the many more years to come? Just look at us lah, work so hard for so long to bring you up, yadah yadah. lols.